If you needed a sign that emoticons were taking over English as the world’s most widely used language (a picture is worth a thousand words, people), look no further than Del Toro’s recent collaboration with Edie Parker. Yes, those are emoticon Del Toro slippers and corresponding hashtag clutches. The people have spoken and they are using pictures.
But if emojis are worth a thousand words, so much so that designers are even using them to get their point across, then why in the hell is our emotional pictionary missing so many mini cartoons to help us describe how we feel?! For example, there are four volumes of different notebooks and three different types of charts for your emoji filled business meetings but there are no fireworks (yes, there is a “blam”-like emoji that could potentially be passed off as fireworks for the uninitiated, but we both know that “pow” and fireworks do not mean the same thing when talking about a first date). And where oh where has the hand over eyes “embarrassed” face gone from the good ol’ BBM days?
We are done trying to get creative with emoticon combos that don’t actually make sense. Kind of like the GOT recap or Drunk In Love videos starring emojis – if you didn’t know how they went in real life, an emoticon video of them probably won’t clarify anything.
Hats off to Harpers Bazaar for their attempt at helping a sister out with this predicament by releasing their own set of fashion-girl emoticons. While at first blush their set filled with the likes of the Olsens, much-needed Equipment blouses and champagne solved so many of our emotional texting issues, trying to use them mid-overly emotional text session (we are serious about our need for macarons) was a pain.
Time Magazine recently asked its followers on twitter what emoticons they would like to see when Apple makes its highly anticipated update to our favorite form of communication. Although we give props to Time readers for their contributions (we agree, the absence of bacon is a complete and total travesty), we sat down and came up with a few TKC suggested additions of our own. Here’s our list of emoticons we can’t believe we have lived this long without.
(1) The Middle Finger – If we had a nickle for every time we went to insert this guy into a text message, well, we would only have about fifteen cents because we pretty much gave up on it after the first three times. But we were really upset when we figured out it didn’t exist and still lament on the topic on a daily basis.
(2) Cupcakes and Macarons – We would like to see your bacon, Time subscriber, and raise you some sweets.
(3) Fireworks – Seriously though. This one seems obvious.
(4) Unicorn – Can’t you see the string of bees with unicorns going out to thousands in needed moments of encouragement? #BeeAUnicorn (Secretly upset this one wasn’t available in time for the Del Toro x Edie Parker collab because that’s a pair of shoes we don’t just want, but NEED).
(5) White Hat – This would solve so many problems while watching Scandal.
(6) Lost BBM Favorites – Including but not limited to the sickly green smiley and our personal form of showcasing second-hand embarrassment, the hand over face.
(7) Champagne, a Margarita and a Moscow Mule – Call us crazy, but we have a feeling we aren’t the only ones whose drinking habits aren’t solely summed up in a martini, a beer and a glass of wine.
(8) A treadmill – This one is self explanatory and long overdue.
That’s our list but we are sure to have missed something. What is your emoji filled dictionary missing? Maybe if we all bark loud enough, Apple might just pull a Jenna Lyons and grant our greatest wish.